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Dartegnian's main blog|Where dreams are penned|Stories are written|Ideas are built|And set in motion

Opening Windows, Breaking Walls

For those who don't know, I'm a person who's usually secluded from others, and one who finds enjoyment in doing so. You might classify that person in many types: a loner, a person who doesn't know how to communicate with other people, a weirdo, or as someone who just doesn't want to talk to people. If I'm ever going to classify myself into one of those four classes, I would choose the second one—being a person who can't easily keep a conversation going after 10 minutes—but I think I can fit well into the 3rd one. This is just going to be a short post (I hope), I still have my advocacy speech to write about.

Being a person with little to no social life at all (for me) is a grueling experience. There are those who don't have a social life in school, but they do have one at home with their parents, and, obviously, you can immediately tell that I have neither one of them. Now, not having a social life is optional, and it's an option for me as well—in fact, it's the only option.

Now why is that? Well, it's because of high school (and a few other things). I did make friends with people in high school, but the problem was I trusted most of them very easily, and things kind of got out of hand when most of them started spreading my secrets around and stuff. Not a lot of them really cared that much (I mean, even I wouldn't be interested in the secret of the kid who was always alone sitting in the back), but it was still a major offense to me. Anyway, long story short, I only trusted a few people, kept only a few friends, and my list of real friends kept on dwindling down until college.

I've made a lot of friends in college, but there was just one problem: no one really know me, and I really didn't know them. There are a few who know me and my story, but there are others who I don't really know. The problem lies in the fact that I'm too scared to open up to others. I'm scared that, whatever happened in high school, might happen again.

But I realized something this morning: so what? So what if most people know I do this and that? So what if my suicidal past gets passed around? So what if people know I'm not emotionally stable? If you look at it, it's actually very beneficial because the people who judge easily will immediately stay away from me, while I can see the others who really want to approach me and be friends with me—the ones who take the time to get to know me despite my various flaws. Quite simply, the people who easily judge others based on something they've heard are the ones that I shouldn't form friendships with, and the people who know my flaws, know my problems, and yet continue to try to be friends with me are the ones I should really be friends with.

Who would you rather have as a friend? The one who knows the flaws in people and immediately stays away from them without getting to know the person first or the person who knows the flaws in people and yet still tries to get to know them and form a friendship?

People are different, and the statement aforementioned can't be applied to everyone.

Going back, the problem really is that there are people who want to get to know me, and can't do so because of the restrictions I have in place. As GLaDOS once said, "The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one." And the easiest answer is to just stop being so overprotective, loosen up, and let the light shine back in my life.

So, as of today, (most) of the stories from my life and (some) aspects of me will be shared with (almost) anyone, just as long as I can make sure that the person who wants to know doesn't look like one who will easily spread rumors around. Even if my secrets and stories got spread, the real question at the end of the day is "Would anyone really care?"

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