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Reorganization

If you have been reading my previous blog posts, you could immediately sense the main theme or gist of the said posts: stating problems without properly giving solutions nor addressing the problems themselves. I have to admit I'm an extremely lazy person, and not the good kind either. A good lazy person will find an easier solution to a problem (just like what Bill Gates said); on the other hand, a bad lazy person (like me) won't find a solution to a problem at all (or, if ever, I will just look for a solution on Google but not follow it). Laziness is a problem that I have been facing since I was a child. From not wanting to get up and eat, to not wanting to get out of bed at all.

Laziness itself has caused a significant impact on my life—social and academic. I have this innate feeling of just wanting to sleep in bed or just lie there for a few more hours rather than do anything else. Honestly speaking, as I'm writing this, I'm getting that same exact feeling. But I digress, I need to learn how to solve those problems and I'm going to lay all of them out here in the open today.

So, without and further ado, let's get started.




Solution #1: Connection
More specifically, human connection. The problem with me is that I've shunned people away from me, and I don't want to form any actual close connections with anyone (as much as possible). Due to past experiences, I have tried to keep friends away and close off ties with people who are so close to me. It has become apparent that my way of living—passing by and meeting people without actually connecting to them—has caused severe repercussions towards me, my health, and my general well-being.It has become obvious to me that, by not actively connecting and sharing information with other people, the feeling of isolation and loneliness I'm getting has grown stronger over the past few months.

So, how can I actively and properly enforce this solution? By becoming fearless, I'll tell you that. Also, Ate Betina has told me that, if a relationship I have with a person went awry and that person tries to point out my name or share slurs about me online, I should just let it happen and don't mind it. In a way, it does make sense, becoming fearless of whatever happens in life is the way to go; moreover, keeping a calm and focused mind while bad things happen is definitely a step in the right direction.

"Sure, that's great and all, but what does it have to do with connection?" is what you might be wondering right now. See, I'm focusing on the two sides of connection: reconnection and disconnection. I need to disconnect from those people who just use me for their own personal gain and reconnect with people I have lost connection with.

In layman's terms, I'll just not talk to those people who are using me for their own benefit and focus on my real friends—the ones who are almost always by my side.

"And what does this solution do? Does it really solve anything?" is another question you might be wondering now. The most obvious answer to this question is that it removes every single trace of depression and loneliness I have. The answer of connection will solve my low self-esteem, low confidence, depression, loneliness, and so much more.


Solution #2: Finding a new inspiration
This is now the solution to my problem with laziness. Over the years, I was inspired by a lot of people around me, and they all made me want to continue doing what I love. An inspiration would a make a huge difference to my life, as I have someone to do something for. Anyone can be my inspiration, honestly speaking, from the friends I've gained in high school, to the man who started the company I love the most, and even my GRAMCOM professor. As Yoo Rhee Nam's speech titled "99% Inspiration," I need to find someone who can affect me and "change my life," and "shine a new light on my world."

And when I meant "new inspiration," I really meant a new inspiration—someone who hasn't inspired me before. This is not an easy task, as most people you come across in life aren't inspirational at all. I need to find a person who stands out of the crowd—and in a good way, of course. Someone who's fearless, caring, and kindhearted. I need a positive influence in life and, quite frankly, finding someone who will just serve as a bad example will only worsen my condition.

I need to find someone who I can look up to, a starlight that can guide me. I might seem like a mature teen who can pretty much do things on his own, but deep down inside, I'm just really a scared child who doesn't know where to go. An inspiration would be a big deal for me and it most definitely will make a big impact on my life.


Solution #3: Learning what path to take in life
I'm a man of simple goals and simple aspirations. Ultimately, my main goals in life are as what follows: find a nice girl, court her, marry her, find a nice place, have kids, raise them properly, not abandon them, continue to live life for them, grow old, and die surrounded by the ones I love. It's a pretty simple life plan, as I don't really plan on becoming the next Steve Jobs, or anything like that. A good father and good employee will do. The problem with my goals is that I have no clear path of what to take, or even how to get there.

Right now, I'm a student at Asia Pacific College who's in his first year of college. I just graduated from high school last March and 4 months of college doesn't really give me enough time to evaluate and see if this course is really right for me. The world of my major, Software Systems (or Systems Software), has yet to open up to me, but I hope that, by the time I see it, I will immediately love it.

I'm still not sure what to make out of this solution, and this is the one that baffles me the most. Even if I have solved all of my other problems (my depression, mood swings, connections, etc.), I still have one ultimate problem: finding out where to go in life. There are many paths to take in life, and there are many outcomes to them. For example, I could take the path of a dropout student who doesn't focus on his studies and yet I could still achieve some of the goals I planned—albeit, I'll become a deadbeat dad who'll just ultimately abandon his kids (and I would never want that to happen). I could also take the path to gaming, and try to do something out of place or something weird and I might make 3,000-12,000 Pesos a week by game streaming, but I'm sure I'll be extremely fat and lazy by that time.

So, the path I will take for now is the path of righteousness. By becoming a good friend and a good person to everybody (while, at the same time, avoiding those who will use me for their personal gain) is the path I should take. I should learn how to become a good person towards anybody and everybody, prioritize what matters the most, and ultimately learn how to put the solutions aforementioned into action.



And the only way to do that is through reorganization.

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