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Where Did All of the Fun Go?

Talking about how fun is not in my life anymore might seem like a childish or as a somewhat "immature" topic to talk about, but it has (personally) been bothering me for the past few days or so, and it's something I can't keep shut anymore.

Before I continue, I believe that you must all get a proper definition of what the word "fun" really means to me, and not just by some online dictionary explanation. For me, the word "fun" is often associated with emotions and time (more specifically, moments). Fun may seem like a mixture of both, but I often think of it as a box—a box full of emotions, that is. Whenever I experience fun, I experience a lot of emotions in the same time as well: happiness, joy, enthusiasm, and bliss are just some of the emotions I feel when I'm having fun. The second thing I find interesting about the word "fun" is that I almost always relate it to a particular place, person, or, mostly, time. Whenever I try to use the word "fun" in a sentence, I always think of something similar to this, "February–June 2014? Man, those were fun times." It might not be correct, but I almost always associate the word "fun" with something.

Now that's out of the way, I believe it's time to tackle the elephant in the room, the burning question that made me write a blog post early in the morning: Where did all of the fun go?

Moreover, why is everything mostly boring now? Why has my day-to-day life become more bland compared to high school, even though it's an entirely new experience to me? What's missing from my life? I tried looking for an answer, and it was hard to do so, but I finally found it and I found it in the most unexpected of places: my old blog. Before starting this blog (and my blog for the all-English term), I had another blog here on Blogger. Despite making and publishing posts under a different alias, my friends (especially my close friends) knew that it was my blog and I was responsible for all of the content in it. Meaning that, to my dismay, if I post something a friend of mine didn't like, I would be held responsible for it. I was an expressive kid back then, and I often took time to pen down and blog about the things I often found interesting in life—whether it'd be gossip, news stories about Girls' Generation, or anything else. If it's interesting enough to be taken a good look at, it was definitely worth making a blog post about.

Now, having a few friends who easily got offended with the slightest thing about them (even if they misunderstood what they read about them) and being an all-out expressive person through blogging proved to be a horrible combination. For starters, certain people would ask me to take down a blog post, even if it's what I (and some people) believe as the truth. Next, this also limited how many blog posts I made, and the topics I talked about—further limiting my ability to get out the message I want to say and the messages I can say. Lastly, these series of events has made me scared to ever make a blog post again, and it has made me lazy in making them.

I'm pretty sure you might be wondering, "Dart, we know you had all of these things and there have been occasions where you weren't able to blog about the things you liked, but so what? What's their significance in taking away the fun from your life?" The most honest and proper answer I could give to that is actually very simple: that I love blogging. I personally take joy in taking a look back at what my life has become or the things that happened in the day and giving them a second look, it provides me a way to looking back and analyzing what made the day interesting, and it was also a way for me to share my stories with everyone.

So, after all that being said, what did I really find in my old blog? Well, I found posts about the things I liked, the things I found interesting, and the new things I tried. I read posts about my experience with my big sister and how much I love her, my general gaming experience and the things in games that I found interesting, and I also talked about my life. I soon found out that, over time, I made less and less blog posts everyday until, one day, they all stopped. I guess this is a representation of something you loved to do, but then someone close to you wanted you to stop what you're doing, and, because of that, you just stopped.

That's how it went. I just stopped blogging and writing stories online altogether. I stopped sharing my experiences and I was forced to retire my blog and delete most of the posts that had been considered controversial. What's odd about all of this is the domino effect this whole hoopla has caused. By stopping me from sharing stories about the new things I tried, I stopped trying out new things. This might be somewhat hard to understand, but just think back to what I said earlier, "If it's interesting enough to be taken a good look at, it was definitely worth making a blog post about," and this proved to be true vice versa. If I didn't have a place where I could talk about the new things I tried, why try new things in the first place?

In the end, what happened? Here's a simple explanation: I found out I loved blogging and talking about the things I liked, then I ran out of things I wanted to talk about, then I tried out new things and this proved to be an enjoyable experience, then I tried talking about my life and the people in it, then some people got mad and forced me to take down posts or stop blogging altogether, then I got scared, and then I stopped blogging. I got scared of my close friends, and the people close to me and I got this idea that they were watching everything I post online and they would ask me to take down something they didn't like.

Because of all this I got scared posting stuff online and, well, I just kept everything to myself. I stopped trying to form new experiences as a result and this mentality has got to stop. The only solution I see to this is to continue blogging and I need to learn how to reaccept it as a genuine form of expression. Still, there are some things I still wouldn't and shouldn't talk about, but that doesn't mean I should stop talking about things entirely. I believe that learning these limitations while, at the same time, learning how to live and coexist with them is the most obvious and best solution to all of this. As for the people who just want to take down posts because they find it offensive or they don't like it (even if it's the truth), such as this post I made about my friend who kept on asking favors and making me do their schoolwork. As for them, I plan on just ignoring them; however, if they can prove to me that what I posted was not the actual truth, then I would gladly take down the post—provided that it isn't the truth. But if it is, and if that person is caught red handed, then they have no right to take down what is actually the truth.

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