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This Love

This love has taken its toll on me. She said goodbye too many times before. And her heart is breaking in front of me. I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore.

Well, kids, it seems that we have an exciting topic to talk about today and, judging by the poorly-made Photoshop image I have made above, this post is going to be all about the four letter word, L-O-V-E. For those who don't know, the past few weeks ago or so, I've made a post explaining that I would court this girl, and, for the time being, let's call her "C." Now C and I have known each other for a month or so and, during that time, my actions were swift in trying to court her. I stroke while the hammer was hot (or whatever you kids call it) and it seemed like my extreme desperation (as well as my eagerness) got the best of me because, obviously, the plan backfired and all went down into a big pile of burning mess that was, of course, my ego as well as all of the hopes and dreams I had for the girl, C, and I becoming girlfriend and boyfriend.

She found me out, she found out about what I was doing and was planning to do, and I was shut down immediately on the spot.

Now, people who are still here (those who have developed a tolerance to my incoherent style of storytelling), what happened next was DIFFERENT, and I mean really different. After a few days of silence or so, she and I started to talk again. Which was weird for me because, usually the girls I try to ask out immediately stop talking to me once they found out that I was planning to court them. Normally, most girls would often stop talking to this fella right here after finding out that the seemingly-awkward CS geek had a crush on them.

So this girl and I continued to talk on Facebook for about a few weeks or so and then this week-long event at our college started and Thursday rolled in. There was this event and I was 1 person short of joining this game when I thought to myself, "How about C? She might be up for it or, you know, she might be going with her friends or some other person. I should try asking her out and paying for her expenses." Long story short, I asked her, she agreed, she went with my friends and I, and I had one of the best nights I've ever had. Normally, her agreeing to go to the event with me might signal something, but I just didn't take much notice of it because, as you all know, it's bad to have hope in things that may/may not be real.

But here's the thing: I did have hope. I did believe that, someday soon, I would be able to walk up to this girl, give her the best bouquet of flowers, and confess to her all of the things I've been wanting to say to her ever since our fateful encounter when I was manning the APC Speaks Instagram-like booth. Despite the entire idea being a tad childish, I still believed in it, and for no apparent reason, it seems that it is what I'm hoping for.

As most of you know, I'm a very logical person. Often times, I try to think with my brain and decide the most proper and fit actions based on what I am thinking rather than what I'm feeling. I have continuously told myself to always listen to the brain rather than my heart (or any other bodily organ, for that matter). But, this time, it seems as if my brain can't decide on whether or not I should stop all my shenanigans or if I should revise, develop, and continue that plan I had made—whose ultimate goal is, of course, to court her. My brain can't decide whether or not I should continue what I had started or to just stop; nevertheless, my heart would obviously saying a big "YES!" to all of this.

The ultimatum of this seemingly-never ending dilemma of mine would be this: continue. Continue with MAJOR revisions to my plan for her and to continue while showing her the best of who I can be. Because if I'm not going to continue with all of my might, effort, and willpower this time, I might as well not continue.

So, in that case, where am I now? I'm currently at the end of the junction right now that cuts off at one path but diverges into two distinct paths. The other path, the path of failure and acceptance of rejection is the path that's already complete and waiting to be went down on. The other, the path of uncertainty with the possibility of a big reward, is cut off from the junction I'm standing on. The road up ahead is dark, foggy, and hard to make out, with little to no assurance of anything paying off.

Despite this, I'll be clutching my heart and you'll be seeing me take a leap of faith onto a path that will, hopefully, lead me to her. That's my leap of faith.

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