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Wanting to Go Outside

A lad inside his home and is yearning to go outside and find out more about life from outside his comfort zone.

For as far as I can remember, I've always been a shut-in. I've spent a great portion of my life inside a room, or within the safety of my own house, and it's slowly starting to kill me. My life as a shut-in didn't start since childhood; rather, it started as I slowly progressed into my teenage years and, well, here I am now.

Being a shut-in can have it's positives. For one, I don't have to worry about what to wear, how much money I'm going to need for the day, and I won't have to deal with the elements of the outdoors (heat, rain, noise, and so on). While this lifestyle has benefited me for quite a while, it certainly isn't a lifestyle to adopt for the rest of my life. This brings us to the downside of being a shut-in—isolation. Isolation, as you probably know by now, is a side-effect of being a shut-in. You might wonder why isolation is a problem when you can easily message anyone anywhere in the world with the Internet, and you have a point.

Still, there's something inherently different with talking to people in real life compared to talking to them inside the confines of a chatbox/chat window. Ever since I've gotten a laptop, my time outside the room has drastically plummeted while, adversely, my time online has dramatically increased. You see, before this laptop was given to me, I had to rely on the computer shops/Internet caf├ęs nearby to access the Internet. This was around 2010-2012 when the "mobile Internet revolution" hadn't started and the best option to access the Internet here in the Philippines was through a computer.

Despite that, my first few months with this laptop was actually quite the same as before. I often messaged my other friends on where to hang out and I visited my friends' house often (notably Loy's house). Even after 2 or so years of having the laptop, I was still outgoing—probably more than ever before. During the climax of my life as a K-popper, I often attended occasions and events that either centered on K-pop in general or Girls' Generation, and I had a good time attending them, too.

Sadly, things change and, as time passed, I experienced a lot of stuff that just made me want to stay within the confines of my room. I've built up so many walls over the past year and tried to hide under the radar. I closed my old Facebook account (which was a part of all these K-pop groups, has a lot of posts, has a lot of comments, and contains most of the messages I've ever sent online) and instead opened a new Facebook account—one that is void of posts and community ties. As of now, my current Facebook account has shared 0 posts, has 0 timeline posts (aside from birthday posts), has 0 comments, and only has 1 post (which was a shared photo from my Instagram).

Although I'm mainly focusing on my Facebook life, I believe that this is a sign of me wanting to detach myself from communities and groups of people in general. I've eventually grown into the shut-in I am today, living life within safe borders.

Which ultimately brings me to this question: Is living in safety and distancing yourself from most people considered living?

The answer? I don't really know, if I were to be honest with you. Despite that, I am sure of one thing: I've been living a life like that and I don't want to live it anymore. As I've heard before, staying inside a comfort zone isn't a bad thing, but—like most things in life—it should be taken in moderation. What I'm basically planning to do is to get out of my shell and experience the world as it is, whether good or bad. I've lived a great deal of my life staying inside a "comfort bubble" and the isolation is taking its toll on me.

My solution? Get outside more, show my true colors, and express myself in ways I've never did before. I'm going to hang out more with my friends (while still trying to achieve academic excellence), focus on attending events, listening to new music, watching new movies, and just generally experiencing life as it is.

Hopefully I'll be able to take that first step outside.

Listen to Taylor Swift's "The Outside," it totally matches the topic of this post. Also, I'm not a true shut-in because I still go outside to attend classes, but, if I did become one, I'd immediately lose my mind.

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