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Midnight Musings

Hey, all! Since I haven't posted for a while, I figured I might as well write a post here.

Now that I've basically brought back my old phone—my Nokia 5233—from the dead, I should really take great strides in caring for it. I did so much stuff on that phone and, to be honest, that phone has been with me throughout half of my time in high school and it's served it purpose well. Because of that phone, I was able to learn how to flash custom firmware, learn the Korean alphabet (hangul), get to know different Korean bands, watch music videos/movies on the go, and so much more. I really want to bring that phone back to its former glory, but the girl hasn't aged well. Its main body case has been broken, scratched, and ripped to pieces. Some of the covering for its slots are entirely gone. Finally, its battery and lack of charger are taking its toll on its usability. I should really try and nurse this phone to life again.

Well, I shouldn't expect much/any help from my dad's side, or even from him. I've spent a great portion of my life understanding my parents from their perspective and I've always had trouble seeing it from his. Like me, he has a vivid imagination, but he eventually lets it, and his emotions, control him. I can say that for a fact because I can tell that from the way he speaks as it's often either emotional, irrational, or dramatic. Personally, I expected him to act—at the very least—mature about it all, and own up for his mistakes. But I guess I've expected too much.

What's funny about him is that he thinks all we feel towards him is hate when, in reality, I feel indifferent or apathetic towards him. I personally don't care about how he's doing now and the same can be said of what happened with him and my mother. All I ever want from him is for him to be a father. But the thing is, the reason why he's so notorious in my family is because he always tries to run when the situation goes awry. It would be a great day if he decides to man up and right the wrongs he's made. My situation with my family isn't enough to fit a few paragraphs, but here's one takeaway I learned from him: if I'm ever going to be a father someday, I would never want to be like him.

In life, any man can easily make a child, but it takes courage for a man to be a father to a child. At the end of the day, it was my fault for expecting too much from a person who thinks that the Facebook block button is the one-stop solution for all their problems.

Anyway, the start of my next collegiate term is around the corner, and I'm going to be with my blockmates again. Last term was the perfect term for me to adjust my gears and get an extended rest from my summer vacation, but this term is a different one. I've got the toughest set of subjects yet, and I'm afraid of how I'll fare against them. But I'm happy that I'll be with my blockmates again (except for one subject, damn calculus). I don't know what I'm going to do this coming term, but I'm sure I need to burn all my resources just to keep my head afloat. I personally think that it's time for me to place myself at the front of the pack.

I should start working on writing works of literature again. I want to write poems, stories, and epic tales once again, but my main obstacle is that I'm too scared to write them or no one will like them. I'm going to think of new ways on how to get myself writing again. Honestly speaking, I love writing, and it's one of my few passions in life. I should write again.

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