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2017: Flying High

A bunch of different arrows pointing at an upper-right direction, indicating unity in achieving a common goal.

Okay, so I'm almost through the first two weeks of 2017 and already I've hit rock bottom. When I asked to start off the new year in a different way, I didn't ask for an extreme tragedy. Nevertheless, I asked for it, and life gave it.

So, status report: I'm out of school, I still have some kind of unpaid debt to the school, I doubt I'm going to study soon (until I pay off my tuition), and I don't know where to go from here. It's a rather scary but exciting feeling to actually take my first steps into the working world. But I'm having trouble progressing from where I am now.

There's a voice inside me saying that I should not work, I should not continue studying for the time being, and I should just rest, play games, and watch movies at home—and that voice has been whispering in my ear since December. On the other hand, another voice is shouting at me. It's very loud and commanding, asking so much from me when I have so little. It shouts "GET UP! IF ACHIEVING YOUR DREAMS IS IMPORTANT FOR YOU, YOU'LL FIND A WAY!" to me all day.

And, just when I thought that this was the end of me, I got this weird feeling. This feeling to do well, to improve, to help myself. I'm not at all too familiar with this, but I suppose it's called motivation. I then stood up, shook my head, and exhaled saying "everything's gonna be okay," when I knew, deep in my heart, that everything's not gonna be okay.

Here I am now, still at the same place—at rock bottom—but I'm a little different. I have this burning feeling within me to want to get out of the house, find a job, and genuinely do well. Sure, it's a stretch to say that I'll immediately find a job, but there's no harm in trying.

I've since assembled a roadmap of goals and places I want to get to this 2017, and the list is as follows:
  • Find a job.
  • Find some good online courses on the English language, graphic design, and programming.
  • Learn how to draw.
  • Lose all the excess fat and get a healthier body.
  • Learn how to properly proofread and edit articles.
  • Set up a YouTube channel and fill it with interesting content.
  • Get the necessary hardware I need and eventually build my own computer.
  • Learn how to read, write, and speak in Korean.
  • Become a better graphic designer.
  • Go on, at the very least, 1 date.
  • Get my bed fixed.
  • Write a good story that I know I've put my all in.
  • Earn enough money at the end of the year to, at least, go outside of town (or out of the country).

I'm pretty sure you're looking at that list and thinking "there's no way Dart can do all those in a year," and I can say the same thing either. There's no way I can do all those in a year—although, I can try. And no one's going to stop me from crossing down every item on that list.

The first two items in my list are the ones I plan to cross off first, but I can also cross off the others in my list. I'm feeling very hopeful in crossing them all out by the end of the year, because I trust myself not to just laze around for once.

I also heavily plan to crossing out the "become a better graphic designer" part very soon. Already, I'm learning more and more about the importance of typography, iconography, color contrast, shadows, and much more. I still have a long way to go in terms of my designs becoming professional-grade, but I'm getting there. It's slow progress, but I am a computer science student after all, and I'm not that well in arts. But hey, I'm willing to learn and practice.

And sure, what I'm about to embark on is challenging, and it's very difficult for someone like me. But I believe that, if a journey towards something is a hard, grueling, and painful experience, it's worth it.

I have people right now that are like the voice I mentioned above. They want me to fail, do horribly, and get nowhere in life. I got people who just write me off as another worthless, stupid teen with no talent and will never get anywhere in life, but I intend to prove to them otherwise.

Still, I have a long way to go, and a lot to accomplish before I do so, but I'm taking the first steps. That's better than doing nothing, right? The list might be too much for me, but those are my dreams, and accomplishing them is really important for me. I trust myself to accomplish them because, if they are really important for me, I'll find a way; otherwise, I'll find and excuse.

I'll have to leave you with that. Here's to the start of a difficult journey.

(By the way, the "post image" of this post didn't go as planned. I had a somewhat different design in my head but I kinda lacked the motivation to finish it. I still pursued on, and eventually got to design the image you see above. It took a while for me to make, but I just had to turn the image in my head into "a real one." Below is a screenshot of how I made the image above and the one after that was the original "ugly" post image.)

It's a "meh" to me.

My situation in life has changed since, by the grace of God. I'll make a blog post about it soon.

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