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College Uncertainty


Have you ever had a dream nightmare whose story was so preposterous and scary, you thought that it would never happen in real life? What if you were unable to wake up from your nightmare? Worse yet, what if, one day, that nightmare came true?

Well, I can't believe mine did. Never in my wildest dreams nightmares did I dream of a day where I'd have to consider dropping out of college to start working. But hey, the day eventually came.

For those who want to know, I won't study at Asia Pacific College this term because of problems with my family and our inability to pay the tuition fee. Because of our current situation, I doubt that we will be able to pay for the tuition fee for this term and the remainder of the tuition fee the term before. So there's a 99% chance that I won't study at APC this term, and a 95% chance that I won't study in APC anymore.

Why, you ask? You see, in my family, the only parent actively supporting my sister and I is my mother. As for my father, well, let's just say he had "better things to do" and left us. Around 2012 or so, he has stopped paying for our tuition fees and has stopped sending us child support. Although my dad is the main culprit to my situation right now, that's not to say that my mother isn't without fault either.

That's really the main reason as to why I can't enroll next term, but what's scary is that I don't know what will happen to me.

My mom is currently telling me to continue my education in a different college or to just stop studying right now and continue studying after this term ends. As much as I'd like to agree with her and all, this term isn't the English term. I can't just skip the subjects in this term and continue next term because most of my subjects this term are prerequisites. I can, technically, still enroll next term, but it's rather futile. The best case scenario is that I'll be able to take 2 or 3 subjects next term, but the major Computer Science classes will be off-limits because I didn't take the prerequisites. What's saddening is that the classes that I'll miss this term (like OPESYS, SNTSDEV, BUSPROS, AUTOMAT) probably won't be offered soon.

Adding insult to injury, some of the subjects that I'm supposed to take this term won't be available for many terms to come, such as EWORLIT and AUTOMAT. Those subjects were petitioned and will likely be unavailable for many terms to come until they get petitioned again or until the next batch of college students take them. (Oh, for those who want to know why I didn't take EWORLIT before, it's because I was late in paying for my tuition fee, so I wasn't able to enroll in the class with my block. I wasn't able to take the other EWORLIT classes available due to scheduling problems.)

In a nutshell, even if continued to study at APC the following term, my graduation would already be significantly delayed, probably by a full year and a half. So, 3 more years of college?

Another plan of my mom was to let me study in a different college instead. But I currently don't know if APC would allow me to get the necessary documents for me to transfer if I haven't paid off the remaining balance of the tuition fee before. I highly doubt they will let me transfer, so I guess I could cross that off the list.

So, yeah, what now?

I only have two options right now: ask my dad for help or become an intern at a company and eventually start working. The former seems more possible because I've already tried asking from my dad before. I recently asked him if he could help me with my tuition, and he just tricked me in the end. I thought he really wanted to help and that he felt sorry for us, but no. Eventually, I learned that he just made us look bad and pitiful for his own enjoyment. He just wanted to see us suffer and beg as he sat on top of his piles of money in Australia. It's sad that, out of all the fathers I could've had in the world, I have him as my father.

This leaves me with my last option—start interning and/or working. I could use a month or so to further condition myself and finish learning the basics of various things, so that my current skills will have a solid foundation. I could use the time to further improve my fluency in English and improve on my pronunciation. I could also learn the basics of proper graphic design, iconography, and typography, and work up from there. If I use my time wisely, I could find a tutoring job in the day and call center/tech support job at night, as well as freelancing in my free time, if I'm really lucky.

Working might be a huge possibility and I'm hopeful for it because I'm turning 18 soon. I want this option to work out well, but, to be honest, I don't want this option.

To be rather blunt, I don't want any of the options in here. I just want to continue studying at APC, do well in school, and eventually finish studying, but there's nothing I can do. That's life, I guess.

Whatever happens, I hope things work out.


EDIT: By the way, I just want to address something. I might seem like I'm asking for pity or sympathy because I tend to publish my life problems online, but I'm really not. Writing is just my coping mechanism. I know that my posts seem rather ironic because my posts are always about problems when my blog's tagline is "where dreams are penned."

All of us have our own ways of dealing with life problems. Some smoke, drink, eat, cry while watching TV, or hurt themselves. I used to hurt myself as a way of dealing with my problems, but I eventually found out that jotting down my problems and taking a second look at them is better. I'm not saying that other coping mechanisms are bad per se, it's just that we all have our way of dealing with problems.

Writing is just my way of dealing with stress/anxiety.

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